Dancing through Parenthood

Written by Alice Marshall (Vale)

Alice, a performer, choreographer, and Dance Academic with Routledge credentials, serves as the Artistic Director of Adaire to Dance and leads both undergraduate and postgraduate dance programmes at the University of Derby.

Email: a.e.a.marshall@derby.ac.uk

Instagram: @aeamarshall

Please note: this article includes experiences of baby loss

“Mummy… when you go to work, what do you do?”

“Well, I am a Dance Lecturer, so I teach, choreograph and write about dance.”

“Hmm. So you get to twirl all day??”

There is nothing like the harsh perspective of a 4-year-old to make you truly stop and think about what you do for a living, and in all reality she is right. Yes, I do get to twirl for a living, and gosh aren’t I lucky? But little will she know the impact she and her sister have had on my way of working, how their mere existence has shifted who I am, what I do, and what I value.

I am a dancer.

I am a mother.

I am theirs.

As many dancers do, I started at a very early age. I was extremely committed and trained hard. Working through my professional exams whilst still at school and then training further at HE level, I always knew that dance was who I am. Neither one could exist without the other. But then I started my journey into parenthood, and this two-sided coin became multi-faced.

My initial parenthood journey was traumatic. I lost two babies, one quite far into the pregnancy. Nobody can ever explain the pain that this causes, and I could never have predicted how profoundly it affected my artistry. My wonderful body that had been my ‘tool’ for so many years, had trained so hard, had made me strong and graceful, had let me down. It had failed to keep my babies alive. I lost the love for dance. But I needed it. My therapist told me to embrace this and dance for my lost babies – and I did. As every artist will tell you, your art-form is what will heal you, and in my story, I danced my way through grief and into two successful pregnancies.

Great, I thought, now to crack on with my dance journey! Oh no, no, no, I now had two children, and those little beauties have managed to change me, and my work. I now see the immense value of dance for young children and families; I now create work that is accessible for all and am innately interested in how other artistic parents have found the impact of parenthood on their art-form. This has resulted in the creation of ‘The Creative Parent’, a symposium designed to explore exactly that (14th May at Déda). Most importantly, I now look at my body as a wonderful dance tool, but also a wondrous thing that went through pain, and then created two girls who make my heart beat with such joy. That rhythm is now what keeps my twinkle-toes dancing. That rhythm is one of love, dedication, and admiration for what we as parents endure and are fortunate to be a part of.

“Mummy?”

“Yes…”

“When I am very old like you” (Thanks!) “I will dance too – dance like you do – all full of love.”

Yes you will my miracle, yes you will.